There's a hilarious scene in The Office that really hits home when I binge on my favorite episodes. After being questioned about the strange look of his outfit, Dunder Mifflin fashion icon Michael Scott explains why there are buttons on the left side of his sport coat.
"There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them, like crazy, and I grabbed one," he says. "And it fit. So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit. At the very least it's bisexual."
I don't own any women's clothes, at least not that I know of. Nevertheless, I relate to Michael's pinch. At 34 years old, I still shop, for myself, in the children's section at department stores. Namely, a significant number of the several dozen Ralph Lauren items I own are labeled XL: as in boys extra-large.
Go ahead. Poke fun. But they cost roughly half the price of adult sizes, and are of virtually indistinguishable quality.
The first thing you should know is that I'm not petite. At 5'10'', and with a face full of scruff, I haven't been mistaken for a teenager since I stopped being one 15 years ago. Furthermore, my weight hovers around the 200-pound mark, yet I manage to fit comfortably in Ralph Lauren youth tops, from simple polos to bright rugby shirts.
The second relevant note is that I have been hoarding Ralph Lauren for two decades. That's a story for another time — a tale of hip-hop culture re-appropriating archetypal country club fashion — but I mention my background here because in all my time collecting "Lo," as the boom bap generation coolly calls Ralph Lauren, I've met a number of other grown men who secretly sport kiddie gear. I'm just the first to come clean.
While I've never exactly been embarrassingly outed like Michael Scott, I've had some close calls. There was one time at a Bertucci's on Long Island, when I was wearing the same red, black, and gray fleece as an obnoxious grade-schooler a few tables over. For the full duration of my meal, his parents chuckled as the boy pointed and mocked me.
My other nail-biter came last winter, while mingling at a media mixer in Boston.
"I'm sorry to ask," said a young gentleman in a bow tie and wax coat, almost apologizing for his blatant materialism. "But where did you find a Polo dress shirt with a pocket like that? I didn't know they made those."
In the silliest way possible, I'd feared this very moment. As the preppy reporter further observed, Ralph Lauren shirts traditionally lack a breast pocket, let alone one embroidered with a trademark Polo man. Somewhat stunned, I claimed it turned up at an outlet store a year or so earlier, which was technically true, but I still regret not being more honest. I would consider this confession a penance, but, in retrospect, I'm more proud of my thrift than otherwise embarrassed.
I've easily saved several hundreds of dollars, if not more, on Polo outerwear through the years, on everything from down vests to a gorgeous American flag knit. Those can go for more than $400 in big sizes, but rarely cross the $100 mark in juniors. Rugby shirts are another windfall, as the grown-up long-sleeves retail for three-times the identical $49.50 kid selections.
Overall, I've had the most shopping success in the button-down department. While adult Oxfords fetch for between $89.50 and $165, the comparable boys options — I recommend the "Cotton Blake" — all sell for around $50, and are typically marked down for back to school sales. Some have an unusually tiny pocket, but that should look increasingly normal since the high-end contemporary likes of A.P.C. also favor that kind of cut.
I was ahead of my time.
For those who wish to follow my lead, gaming the department store is easy. In my experience, department store employees tend to believe I'm shopping for my giant nephew, and never follow me to the adult fitting rooms. Just last week, a helpful Macy's clerk on the children's floor was even kind enough to look out back for any extra-large Olympic leftovers they might still have in stock. She came up empty-handed, but suggested I check downstairs. If the boy I'm shopping for fits perfectly into a youth XL, she said, then he's probably big enough for a men's small.
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